This is NOT meant as a lecture, as I don't have the authority. However, I will be blunt with you as an outsider looking in.
You have reached the point with him where nothing you say, nothing you do, nothing you are or are not is going to make one teensy little bit of difference. He is emotionally abusive. End of story. No changing it. No fixing it. In fact, he could possibly recover, get into therapy every day, all day for decades and he most likely will still be selfish to the bone and emotionally abusive.
I know you still love the man you married. Honey, he's not that man anymore. Alcohol has killed that man. You are left with the pod person like in The Body Snatchers.
Look at that conversation you typed put above. He got abusive...again. He was DELIBERATELY Blaming and Threatening and Gaslighting you. It's in Black and White.
PLEASE stop engaging! For your own sanity. The next time you feel the urge, the tug to call or engage, stop and think of this scenario...
Pretend this is not you and AH. This is one of your DDs as an adult with her BF or H. Would you not want to immediately snatch the phone from her hand and shake some sense into her? What you have right now between you and AH is modeling what DD5 and DD3 may grow up to think is what love looks like. If you can't stop yourself for you, please stop yourself for them.
Hope that didn't hurt too badly. I said it with the best of intentions...for you and your girls. Big hug.