Still in daily contact
So I am still talking to exabf daily. Sometimes it is just too much and I'm ready to go no contact, I just can't bring myself to do it. He begs me not to. I worry about what not knowing would do to me. I worry about him. I thought I was getting stronger. Most of the time I am still picking up the phone.
He is alone, no job, no car. And yes, he did this to himself. I am 5 hours away. I made it clear that I am not coming back. Chances are great that the house will eventually get foreclosed on. He says his plan is to get sober, then come here to find a job and "make things right with me. Whatever that means.
He is talking to a rehab place in Atlanta. Not a 12 step program, It promises a shorter program, an outpatient atmosphere where he could have a laptop and cellphone and a private hotel room and could do whatever he wanted in the evenings. It is also twice as expensive as the place he checked out of before I left and may not be covered by insurance. I will believe he is going when someone tells me he is actually there, it sounds like more quacking.
He asks me if I love him, and I tell him that I do. He asks me if we have a chance and I say that I can't even consider it until he makes a commitment to be sober and get his life moving in a positive direction, including finding a job, getting finances back in order, etc. It would take so much work for him to get there, and I'm not doing any of it.
He says he is going to aa. He sounds sober most of the time we talk. On the occasions that I hear the alcohol in his voice, I tell him I have to go.
Life goes on here. Still going to job interviews, seeing friends I have been away from and enjoying being near my family again.
My mom noticed I was talking to him the other day. The thought of me and dd going back must scare her. She was angry. She asked"aren't you glad you got out of that mess?"
Of course I am, but glad isn't really the word for it.
I dont know if I might be trying to hold on to a tiny thread of hope, or I just worry to much to completely detach. When I ask him not to call, he usually texts to say he has "an important question" or "has to tell me something important". I fall for it every time.
For those of you who have gone No contact, was it a hard transition to make?