bruingirl THANK YOU for being so honest about your vulnerability and being scared that you may not have hit your OWN rock bottom. I honestly respect that.
I remember getting advice from someone with a recovering meth addict ex (mine was an alcoholic ex so we overlapped on a lot of behaviors)... and at one point, i realized they were no longer really listening to ME... but were just saying the harsh advice they were needing to hear for themself.
Don't beat yourself up. I get your hurt and I get why you would do what you did.
I agree with everyone that dis-engaging will be KEY right now in YOUR well-being. If you need to, you can look at it from his perspective that HE obviously needs/wants to be dis-engaged right now. I say "if you need to" because it seems like you are more still in the looking at things from his perspective phase... in time, you'll really believe that this truly is something YOU need. and to be honest, it's been 4 months of no contact for me--and i still haven't FULLY convinced myself that this is FOR ME... but it doesn't matter because this time for me is still good... and in time, i'll get more and more peace.
I'm sorry for the pain he's caused and for his making you doubt yourself
get to peace--the strong you is there.