That's the thing, bruingirl. About the break up. A normal couple would have a conversation, identify that the relationship is not working, wish each other well, and perhaps down the road have some sort of friendship on a different plane and when the relationship fires die down (usually more than 6 months to a year later.). And I know this because I've had normal relationships and normal, painful-in-a-different-way break-ups.
But having a relationship with an A is not going to be a 'normal' relationship. All the things that seem 'normal' for 'normal' people will not apply, neither during the relationship nor during the break up.
As we learn in Al-anon, it's like going to the hardware store to buy a loaf of bread.
You're not going to find what you need there.
So, my thought is: don't go looking at your ExABF for your answer. You won't find it. There are places to look for 'closure' and emotional healing and Al-anon has been one of those places for me.
He will speak a completely different language that will be impossible for you to understand. No sense in trying to decipher his meaning, for he probably doesn't even know from one moment to the next what his meaning actually is. (I learned a lot from reading The Big Book)
Tell me all about your first meeting!! What did you get to take from it today?