Originally Posted by bruingirl

hi everyone,

i havent posted in a while but here i am again. and im hurting again. my AB of 1.5 years and i got into a big fight and we stopped speaking. its not really the alcohol thats a problem but all of the alcoholic behaviors that are starting to come back again. he keeps getting mad at me and wont try to understand where im coming from about my frustrations with him...his ego makes him think that hes the only one thats been wronged in this relationship. i called him today to talk to him after a while because there has been a girl flirting with him and posting on his facebook. today she said "thanks for the wonderful morning ". i was so hurt that he would be messing around with some girl merely TEN DAYS after we'd gotten into a fight....we hadnt even had a conversation officially about breaking up, hell we havent even changed our relationship status on facebook. but i called and he was being (excuse my language) such a humongous d*** for somebody that claimed they loved me and cared about me so much. he was an absolute monster. i was trying to explain to him how disrespected i felt that he would even talk to a girl like this. but he didnt care. being an alcoholic he desires to find a way to numb the hurt AT ALL COSTS (you all know how that is). and his way of numbing the hurt of our breakup while not drinking is still to get the attention he needs from some other random girl. and thats what hes always done during the entire course of our relationship. the very same insecurities that lead him to be depressed and drink are the same ones that have always made him want to talk to other women and get positive attention from them. its such bs because he always talks about how these other random people are there to support him and love him despite his issues, and how i dont do that well because i get frustrated with him. but NONE of those people have to sit there and worry about him when he is out and drunk and disappears for a whole weekend or when he lashes out because of his attitude. he always thinks that the grass is greener and now hes being a monster to me because he doesnt think i was supportive enough. im not here to get any advice because i already know what needs to be done here (the relationship clearly needs to be over), i just need the strength and ability to move on. i feel like a part of me has picked up his bad traits and this relationship has become my addiction the intense happiness...the intense sadness...the withdrawal stages...the cravings and somehow i just need to learn to deal with the pain that im feeling everyday which he decides to numb away im just so very hurt. and it would help a little bit if he were also feeling the hurt too but instead he just rages and treats me like im some horrible person...despite how much ive supported him through in the year and a half (including a three month trip to rehab over the summer). thanks all and i hope things are looking better for you all