Tuffgirl

OMG I am having a serious early morning coffee-fueled epiphany and thank goodness I went to that meeting last night because I didn't want to go...one of my fellows who I talked with on the weekend said if I didn't get myself there he was coming to pick me up - jokingly of course.

I posted here a few weeks back that the RAH was moving my stuff after I told him not to. Literally gathering the remainder of my things, loading them up, and driving them over to dump in my garage while I was at work. I came home from a business trip to a pile of stuff. He got mad when I confronted him about it and I was nicely asking him to stop doing that - helping is one thing...taking over is another. We had a fight about it, but not because I was angry, but because he WAS. He was "ONLY HELPING" and I was being ungrateful. I vividly recall telling him he was doing for me what I was perfectly capable of doing for myself and that was NOT helping. I even used an example of what his Mom and Sister have done to him in the past that made him so angry - owning some activity of his and doing it for him - and that he just DID IT TO ME. And now I see why...now it makes sense...the light bulb is on again. I never saw it, because when I first read Beattie's book I read it with me in mind, not him. I saw my own tendencies and have begun working on them. I never thought it the book in context to him, but now I will read it again with a different mind set.

Oh thank you all here and thanks to my HP for making me get off the couch and go to a meeting last night. I can feel the anger leaving my brain as I type these words. It's not all my fault. I am not the one continuing the crazy train ride (his words this weekend). I am responsible for my own crap but this guy has issues that far exceed lifting a bottle to his lips and drinking it down.

I see now his whole family is codependent and passive-aggressive. I am not getting beat with his program; I am the closest one to him to practice this on. He just doesn't know what he is doing yet, and I am still a newbie in my own recovery and we are toxic to each other right now. And that's ok, for now. It is as it should be.