I think by saying, repeatedly and usually inappropriately, that he is not responsible for anyone else's feelings, he's trying to "work his program" without really understanding the context of what he is trying to do. I just thought he was being an a-hole and beating me with AA.
It makes sense framing his behavior into codependency instead of just being a jerk. It explains why he struggles with me having feelings, thoughts, and opinions and expressing them - if he can't immediately fix something he gets mad and then that mad becomes directed at me.
That's also why he is only available in my life to fix something. Help with something. Move something.
I've struggled with the definition of codependent regarding myself - I can see I have some tendencies - but I am also beginning to realize the bigger codependent in this marriage is my RAH. For some reason, that just makes me feel a little less angry this morning and a little more compassionate.