My EX is an ACOA and once I started reading Melody Beattie for me, I could see the patterns with him. He refused point blank to look at the book and chastised me many times for reading them.
Along with being needy, he had this huge desire to control all aspects of his life, which included me. When I made decisions such as going to Al-Anon, returning to school, branching out with new found friends or even having my mom come to visit me, he would relapse. Looking back over my journal, I could see the pattern of this behaviour. He once told me that he pushed all who loved him away and now that we are apart, I can see this so much more clearly.
Whatever issues have dogged him from childhood, from the way he grew up in an alcoholic home - he is not ready to face them and until he is ready, there's nothing anyone can do about it.