Originally Posted by
Thumper 
Aww - I'm sorry you are in such a difficult spot. I know it sucks. It is your life. Don't erase it. Don't wish it away. Cherish it, every minute, and know that it is all yours. Box up those 4 years and put them on a safe shelf and when you are ready you will open that box and look through it - and realize there are parts that were real and worthy.
FWIW I still have my ring. Someday I will remove the diamond and have it put in a different setting. When I have time to really get something meaningful.
I still have my dress too although I have no idea what to do with that. I don't even have daughters. Despite the fact that this ended sadly under an avalanche of broken dreams and broken promises, that dress symbolizes a pure and honest day of happiness for me. I will probably end up donating it - or maybe cutting it up to make something else with, but for now it just stays in its box at the back of the closet.
Good ideas, Thumper. Maybe boxing everything up and putting it away is closure that I need now. And later - I can use the diamonds to make a nice piece of jewelry for my daughters.
I was happy on my wedding day. But I was also scared and worried. I knew something was wrong. My stomach hurt and I ate nothing that evening. Except a bite of cake.
I knew then something was wrong but I didn't know what it was. Took me another year to acknowledge what it really was. So the dress for me symbolizes a decision I should not have made. I didn't want to let anyone down by cancelling the wedding. Gawd. That's pathetic. I married this guy when I knew there was something wrong; even after he refused pre-marital counseling, because I didn't want to be embarrassed by cancelling the wedding. I remember being uncomfortable all evening - something gnawing at me...I see now it was my HP trying to steer me in another direction and I didn't listen. Well, I am listening now. Ears and eyes wide open.
I did love him, openly, honestly, and completely. I showed up for this marriage. I trusted him with myself and my daughters. I was willing to try things I was afraid of and embraced that fear. I DID THE RIGHT THING! I should be proud of that.
Maybe one day I will look back and feel all that I just wrote. Right now I just feel numb and apathetic. That's when I knew I was done - I felt apathy. For the first time in four years.