I am torn between anger and grief...understand this is a stage of grief...but not a very pleasant one.
And I am just sick of it all. Sick of the games RAH plays. They are so transparent that I am embarrassed he doesn't recognize them. He spends quality time with everyone else - gives other people what he knows I want - and tells me what he gives me is "all he has to offer". That's such BS. And he believes it! That's where I feel hopeless. He believes all of this. I found myself this weekend damn near begging for crumbs of affection and attention and it was such a major wake up call. What would I tell my daughters if they were doing what I am doing right now? Maybe have some self respect? Maybe that they can do better than this? Maybe everything you all here have posted on this thread?
The day I left, I said I needed to go find my self respect. And in a painful round-about way I did find it. If he is not man enough to own his responsibility in this marriage and actually make an attempt to repair what's broken - by his doing - than this is not a man I can respect at the end of the day.
More than sad, I am disgusted. And embarrassed. I thought I chose well this time. It's horrifying to realize just how broken my picker is. And how long I let him play me. Ugh.
He hung up on me again last night - I hate when people do that for no reason other than they don't like what you are saying. I wasn't yelling, I wasn't being rude. I was just talking about something he didn't want to hear. And again got the 'he's not responsible for my feelings' line. I hope someday he grasps the real context of that statement. It's not a license to act however you want; its not an excuse.