I am sorry that you continue to struggle with making a decision that would set both you and your son free....free to live your own lives....as functioning adults.
Perhaps it is time for you to turn your dreams into reality.
You hold the key to your future in the palm of your hand, it is up to you to unlock the door and move forward, as for your son, until you allow him to have a key, he has no future, no chance.
As with everyone else, I wish you peace and happiness.