StarCat thank you! I am reading that thread now. I had heard of that book, but hadn't read it.
I was never abused growing up, had a really great childhood actually. I don't have a history of abusive relationships with men. But still I ended up at this point in my life in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic. I have often thought if I had had more negative experiences in my past that maybe I could have better avoided this situation. I feel like I stumbled into quick sand.
I am still trying to find hope to cling to. I have always hoped that if he got sober and worked on his issues that he would be a loving bf. There was a time that he was sober and he was a different person. He was nice, even sweet, giving, and truly a friend to me during some hard times even though he had nothing to gain from it. That was 2005, wow that's six years ago..... He was sober for 6 months that year. He wasn't an angel, but he was a nice guy. Each time he has started drinking again it has gone on longer and gotten worse.
He has mental health problems and my hope has been that if he were treated that things could be different. During his last period of sobriety he went to counseling and saw a doctor several times as well as going to a psychiatrist and trying several medications. I was sooooo hopeful. The medication that worked best had side effects that were not acceptable. The shrink he ended up seeing was a moron. ABF got frustrated with trying medications and was disillusioned after seeing the crappy shrink and he dropped the ball and stopped making the effort. And a few months later he began drinking again.
I honestly don't know if he even wants to be sober. I'm not even sure he really exists anymore if you know what I mean. And I guess I better get my act together and stop waiting but it makes me sad as sad can possibly be
