Yeah, you know what? I ended up talking to a former friend of my exabf's, who knew him before me, and he told me quite a few stories of my ex having drunken temper tantrums, EVEN BEFORE I MET HIM.
These As-they want to blame EVERYONE else except themselves. Don't buy into it.
Originally Posted by
forgotten1 
jaguar--your post was something i needed to read tonite to keep hammering in that my relationship wasn't special--i was in a well-played-out cycle of being in an Alcoholic's life.
I wondered the same thing, because i got down to behaving in ways i wasn't proud of, especially for someone that is always considerate of everyone else. I heard the "no one else does this/makes me feel this way/etc etc" line so many times. I, like you, believed them. but, only to a degree. i'm sure you have some voice in the back of your head FIGHTING not to believe those words. I think toward the end of my relationship, the constant anxiety i was feeling wasn't just fear of the A in my life... but it was my brain kicking and screaming and refusing to have my identity consciously erased--which is what happens when we let even those little words cause us to doubt ourselves for a LITTLE BIT! It is that tiny voice that is the strength you have left after "fighting" to be you for the past 7 years.
Do you know why no one else makes him feel so bad about himself? Because we are the walking/talking/breathing reminder that they are an addict. We're a neon sign reminding them of what kind of life they want, but seems so hard for them to attain. They yell at us and break us down because the reflective mirror we represent is too much and makes it too hard for them to stay in their delusion--the delusion that staying on their addict lifestyle is ok/excusable.
Life as an addict is ALL about survival. They are in survival mode... and when that occurs... you push everything/anything out of your life that does not hold up the delusion you have to keep in order to "survive".
I'm sorry for what you've had to go through. The doubting ourselves and what ifs he were right will revisit your brain for a while... just try to keep reminding yourself the words weren't true. it is WELL WITHIN your right to have wants/needs in a relationship. Healthy adult relationships (with friends/lovers/family) are allowed to define these and to not have to fear being told that they were too demanding and that we drove them crazy.