Sojourner
Thanks for the affirmation Sojourner, I needed that. Mother's Day was horrible for me, but I didn't cave and I didn't call her. I guess my "bottom" was when after I reminded my mom that she was the one that had called me and admitted to me that my sister was an addict, my mother said I was a liar, that she never said that and I was putting words in her mouth. It was at that moment that I realized my mother was just as mentally screwed up as my sister, if not worse.
My mom used to vent to me on a regular basis and then if I would suggest that perhaps getting a job might be useful for my sister's financial problems or that maybe Mom should sell the house if my sister living there was too much for her, she would come up with a million reasons why "that just couldn't happen" and then turn on me and tell me she couldn't "be as cold-hearted as I was."!!!!!!!!!!
I never understood it, but your post makes perfect sense! She was using me as a backboard to bounce her excuses off of and make me the bad guy so she could feel more "saintly" and "christian" about her sacrificing her retirement, her marriage, her relationships with her other children, etc. so she could do this dance with my sister.
She even told me once that her Sunday school class took up a collection for my sister. A class of elderly, widows took up a collection and she sent it to my sister and said "Now spend this wisely"!! How screwed up do you have to be to take money from little old ladies at church and hand it to a drug addict?
Then of course, there's the time my sister was in withdrawal and mom drove her to the dealer's house and went inside with her to purchase pills. My mom actually participated in purchasing Schedule II narcotics illegally, which in their state, carries a minimum, mandatory, first-offense sentence of three years in prison. If that's not the bottom for an enabler, I don't know what is.
Thank you so much for listening. It is helping. I'm starting to be able to emotionally get back on my feet and the longer I am not being dragged into it on a daily basis, the better I feel.