asking for good vibes for strength
and courage, that I will be able to do what I know is right. even if it seems wrong.
my desire for peace and freedom is great. i cant even post my situation, for I am sure it will trigger everyone, and rightly so. I have been dealing with this situation for a while now, and have been unable to let go. it is so hard to put out a grown child who seems to be unable mentally to take care of his self, but who am I to make that determination? We make each other crazy, and that is pretty much unavoidable, since this situation should not even exist. He feels pretty helpless, and I am sure that I have contributed to his lack of any confidence. I grieve that, and grieve the lost time.
how hard this all is. I dont know how to get strong enough. but i know that things wont change if things dont change. i truly meant to help, but it became an alternative for him, I guess. tho he denies that.
making them literally homeless is truly hard, but i feel certain that he has not used this time wisely, tho he claims he has.
the stress is killing me, slowly, and is not doing him any big favors, except a roof over his head.
his problems, his health, and all the mess seems so huge, like a big tangle that i dont think he can fix. he probably needs some meds for some disorder. how do you let go and still feel like a loving parent? I believe that i have helped him know of resources, and things to try. but it is up to him to do so. and when he is so hateful all the time, i feel very sad and low. i am letting him do this, and i am swallowing my pride each time- this dysfunction is hard on both of us.
just needed to post. i have not, for a while, for i know i have not taken the advice of many. it is just so hard to put him out on the street. i was so angry today, i told him to pretend i am dead, and figure out what he would be doing then, and do that.
he got his license back today. dad paid his fines. his car wont run, most likely, but he says that now he could find a job and get things going with his license back.
do you give some one a little more time, when you figure he will do the same things again , like drink when he gets his first paycheck? he truly seems off kilter, his nerves shot, teeth hurting, etc.he knows the clinics are available, but he usually forgets to call, forgets appts, and fails to make efforts to get the help. all he has to do is make appts., ask, and I would take him to the doc. i refuse to do it for him anymore.
hugs
chicory