Married for 15 years. Presumably he married me for who I was: bright, inquisitive, observant, soft-hearted, funny, interested, and devoted to him. Away from him for 2 years this summer.
As the years went on, we had 3 children, his problems (drinking, mental breakdowns) increased. I bailed him out in every way I could. I was like his personal cheerleader and he resented the heck out of me and really came to despise everything that I now know are my core traits and values.
I have been excavating the parts of me that I suppressed because they offended him so:
I am a constant reader. I will read anything: fiction, non-fiction, self-help, recovery, theology.
I am heavily into my HP, God.
I have "rescued" 3 additional dogs since we separated. (this pendulum has swung too far, I believe, but we are one big happy, furry, muddy family).
I have taken a renewed interest in my looks (I realize now that I used to be very pretty before I let that constant worry and stress take over my face and my life. And gained dozens of pounds "inexplicably")
I have been writing. It's always been easy for me and I express myself best that way, but people who read my blog actually seem to enjoy it. That has been a lot of fun.
I am happy again. Cheerful. Upbeat. Some people have said "wise." Me? if I am, it's just through years in the school of hard knocks.
Being hated for who you are is a terrible thing, and I am so thankful that I have been freed from that bondage.
great thread.
