Originally Posted by
sweetteewalls 
I was doing really good and I made the mistake of letting RAH back in for a talk Sunday and he said he was going to go to inpatient rehab, even called his insurance asking what he is eligible for, completed the intake application, etc..he was going to do whatever he had to do to get me back.
Now...its 2 days later and he's already back to being the old mean, angry person he was and said I am trying to control him because I am asking when he intends to follow through on the things he said he was going to do.
This is identical to what I went through with my AH this winter. Except I wasn't wise enough to post here and talk to anyone. Instead I tried to plead, reason, argue, etc... with AH to get him to do what he'd promised. He made and broke the same promise (had a date set up to go to inpatient rehab and everything) 3 times and on the morning of the 3rd time he assaulted me when I told him he could choose to not go to rehab but he would not be staying at our house any longer.
You're NOT being controlling by asking when he intends to do what he said. It's normal to ask questions and to expect people to keep their word. Except normal doesn't apply when it comes to alcoholic's promises (in my experience). The problem is not you. The problem is that he is an alcoholic and is behaving like one.
You can't love him or support him into rehab anymore than you can get angry enough to get him to go. You aren't pathetic at all. You are a mom, a wife, at the end of your rope. Like me you wanted to believe in him and make it work and I'm guessing felt a bit hopeful when he made calls and promises about rehab? And then he goes back on all of that and it hurts like hell bc you are seeing that he really isn't changing and that there's nothing at all you can do about his recovery.
I am an idiot. I have no self esteem. I am good for a few days and then I get sucked back in. I have no family that loves me and I am just damaged and I don't think things will ever get better. I am ashamed for going so many rounds with him. I have alienated the small friends that I did have by giving in so many times to this relapsing AH.
You are none of the things you describe. I know how you feel and I am sorry. I too alienated friends, was ashamed to tell anyone what was happening, have a pretty wacked out FOO so they're not of much use etc...
Ive been trying for 2 years and we share our 3 year old and so we can never make a clean break. When I try to make a clean break, I just get harrassed for trying by him. When we are apart he uses every insecurity and bit of knowledge about me over my head to coerse me into getting along.
Your AH is scared that you are trying to change and do what's best for you and your 3 yo and will pull out all the stops to get you sucked back in. What he's doing (what you're describing) is what so many of us have been through. I've written what you wrote above and have read others who wrote it too. It doesn't make it suck any less when it's occuring but you really are not alone. You are living with an alcoholic and it's too much for any one person to deal with without a lot of support. Do you have a therapist? Can you go to al anon?
I really feel like I have nothing and cannot recover because I have been down so long. i think this will be my last post on SR because I am embarrassed and ashamed that I am so pathetic.
I have felt similarly in the past... please please don't disappear from here... No one is judging (well, speaking just for me-- I am not judging and I can't imagine others are either)
You are leaps and bounds above where I was in Jan when I was facing the same broken promises about rehab. You have reached out, you can see what he's doing. I was in denial and told no one. It probably feels like you are alone and not doing well, but you're here, posting and aware and want life to be different than it is and that's quite a lot...
