Originally Posted by
sweetteewalls 
Yes, I felt so embarassed because I was feeling strong and empowered and then I gave him a chance and to speak and all of my "strength" went out the door. He is actually telling me he knows he needs help and will go to an AA meeting this week, find a counselor (we printed out therapists covered by his insurance specializing in alcohol dependency) and he will email enabling mistress by Friday and cc me to let me know its been done. But to me, I feel like he should have done all these things yesterday if he was really serious about getting his family back. He said the hardest thing is to face the consequences of his behavior and it makes him uneasy and anxious and want to drink and I guess that's the part I don't understand because I am not an addict. Maybe I'm being unreasonable and should give him time to complete what he says he's going to do? I don't know why I was so adimate that he needed to do these things yesterday. Maybe because of all he's done to me I will never have faith because of the past? I'm not a grudge holder on the outside but maybe subconsciously I want him to pay for the damage he has caused?
I can relate to this feeling. I don't have to look very far back in my own relationship to see that putting trust in my AH to do the right thing doesn't make any sense. I also struggle with feeling guilty for wanting to SEE results when he says he's making an effort. That said, intellectually I know this: Nothing changes unless nothing changes. Until I see real changes in the way my husband behaves, I don't trust him. I have to honor that and wait until more is revealed.
Not sure if that helps. Thank you for posting...I can really relate to your feelings.