Back in February, after we'd broken up but when he was still trying to get back with me, my exabf was sending me emails saying "maybe things will turn around. Maybe things will change for the better"...making me think he is putting off whatever recovery efforts he knows deep in his heart he needs.
Yknow what? Sometimes tomorrow never comes. If my exabf was really serious about acknowledging his problem, he would not have let me walk away in the first place, when I said "stop drinking or lose me." At that point, I'd had enough of empty promises with no corresponding action.
Procrastination is nothing more than a manipulation tactic to keep us on the hook. It's funny, alcoholics are so incapable of thinking longterm that they don't even consider..well, what happens when you tell me "I'll do this Friday", then Friday comes, and you haven't done it?
They don't seem to care about that-they just think moment to moment. I'm sure they think, it's cool, I'll come up with something on Friday. And unfortunately, we codependents will probably fall for it on Friday, too.
Unless and until we too are in a solid program of recovery, our disease makes us highly susceptible to the alcoholics' denial, deflection, and manipulation.
Originally Posted by
dancingnow 
I was always second guessing myself on whether I gave AH enough time, acted considerately, etc., etc., etc. and drove myself insane.
My AH will seek recovery if and when he wants to and he will follow up what he says he is going to do if and when he wants to.
In the meantime, I don't need to listen to what he says he is going to do as it takes up too much of my brain space and makes it more difficult for me to do what I want and need to do and a lot of the time my brain is just trying to figure out what I want to do.
And yes, things could get worse than they are. My AH got a DUI two months ago, DS was in the car but than asked to be taken home and thankfully DS was not in car and no one hurt. Insurance went up though and I am in process of getting AH to separate our policies.
He got his license back. Still not in true recovery. I don't want to pay any more consequences if he gets another DUI. I believe AH is focused on me paying consequences for speaking my mind and being strong.
I hate what alcohol does to a person and I hate that there is nothing I can do to take it away from AH but I can take what it does away from me and my kids as best I can.