sweetteewalls, i'm so sorry you feel that way. and honestly, as many of us on here have felt pathetic... i honestly don't know any words of comfort.
i remember being there. in fact, i still visit that mindset every once in a while... i'm sorry that you feel like you have no one to talk to, especially no family to really give you support. i found that i HAD to see a therapist. this whole world we've been engulfed in for multiple years literally makes us crazy--we have to reset our brains. see a therapist ASAP to talk about all of your feelings. i know you feel pathetic... and i'm sure saying that "we all have felt pathetic" doesn't really fix things, but please DO keep posting just so you can at least feel the support that you do have HERE.
something that helped me was that I made this "map" of who i am (therapist suggestion). i put "ME" in the center then i put things about me all around, just so i could ground myself and remind myself of who i am (like i like traveling around the world, i love my nieces/nephews and try to be an example to them, etc etc)--because the things you believe about yourself are the things no one else can take. write down the things u are (not the things your A told you you were). it reminds you you're not pathetic.
also--i found this advice on some "heartbreak" column where you imagine yourself old (like grandma age) and you write your grandkid a letter... and start it off with "to my grandchild... i had a great life because...[finish in your own words]". it puts things into perspective a bit.
now, with all of that said--i've done those and STILL find the need to look for support on here... so yes, coming back from the lowest point is going to take some time and probably a lot more effort than you really even believe you can even muster... especially for a future you aren't even convinced you'd really enjoy. i guess every day is a battle... and again, im sorry you feel the way you do--but emotions DO change. and this forum will be here for all of them.
is there any way you could maybe just take a vacation away from it all for a while? maybe just spend a week away with you and your child? try and get out of the house/community you've been in... traveling and seeing a lot of what "the rest of the world" is up to also helps to make us realize that this thing that we've had to live through is such a tiny thing in comparison to everything else--i dont think you can feel that until you really let yourself take a long vacation away from it all.