sweetteewalls

I was doing really good and I made the mistake of letting RAH back in for a talk Sunday and he said he was going to go to inpatient rehab, even called his insurance asking what he is eligible for, completed the intake application, etc..he was going to cut off his enabling mistress if he had to change his #, quit his job(because he works with her) and do whatever he had to do to get me back.

Now...its 2 days later and he's already back to being the old mean, angry person he was and said I am trying to control him because I am asking when he intends to follow through on the things he said he was going to do.

I am an idiot. I have no self esteem. I am good for a few days and then I get sucked back in. I have no family that loves me and I am just damaged and I don't think things will ever get better. I am ashamed for going so many rounds with him. I have alienated the small friends that I did have by giving in so many times to this relapsing AH.

Ive been trying for 2 years and we share our 3 year old and so we can never make a clean break. When I try to make a clean break, I just get harrassed for trying by him. When we are apart he uses every insecurity and bit of knowledge about me over my head to coerse me into getting along.

I really feel like I have nothing and cannot recover because I have been down so long. i think this will be my last post on SR because I am embarrassed and ashamed that I am so pathetic.

Thank you for helping me while I was fooling myself thinking I was strong enough to get out of this situation.