Originally Posted by
Autumn9 
What do you do when you've been an enabler for over a year...Then your recent dry drunk boyfriend decides he hates you, no longer wants to be with you, and doesn't love you?
Thank your lucky stars.
Know that he will probably come back to you because he knows that you will enable him. I stayed with my ex for SEVEN YEARS. I wish I could tell you it gets better, but it doesn't. You cannot help someone who doesn't want to be helped. You're cheerleading for the wrong team. The best thing you could do for yourself is to start cheering for YOU. If he comes back, and he will, you might want to reconsider before saying yes. Is this really what you want in your life?
I can't tell you how many times I told myself, "He is in there", referring to the man I loved. Sometimes I could see him through the demon that has claimed him, and I didn't want to abandon him, especially when I could see that part of him crying out for help.
The only way you can help him is to let him go and let him hit his bottom. Stop enabling him and start empowering yourself. If he has you there as a crutch, he'll use you in any way he can to keep from facing his addiction.
The first thing I realized when I came here is that I am in recovery, too--from codependency. I focused on him for so long that I forgot about ME. Now I am building a brighter future for myself and focusing on what I want out of life. I hope you can do the same. I'm glad you are here!
