Thank you all!! Trying to parent, boy, you are making the right moves. I need to get the local authorities involved on my end. Stay strong!!
His dad is now the enabler. I went to their house last night to ask him to come home with me today for treatment. He grabbed my arm, and said get the %00k out. His dad said why are you still here, and with him, if he is abusive and causes you pain. Leave him alone, you have 15 minutes to leave, he is sick.... Yes, I know...I spent a week in the hospital with him due to pancreatitis, (from his drinking) once in February, and again the end of April. The doctors said his enzymes were off the chart. He has a fatty liver, and coming from a medical background he says everyone does to some extent. His parents are alcoholics too, of beer, not the fifth of vodka he drinks a day. He is now living in an alcoholic environment again. I can't stand it, he will never get help there. He's 36, let him be a man, move out, and grow up!! I only wanted for him to get treatment, antibuse, anything. It's only been 2 weeks since he got out of the hospital and he's fallen back into the thirst for drinking. I wanted to have him committed to rehab against his will for not only endangering himself, and his health, but for me as well. He broke down last Wednesday night after I smelled the liquor on his breath, after he went to get gas and a dvd. I confronted him, and asked if he had gotten to the ABC Store before it closed. He said you can smell it, I said yes. He said then I'm the fool. If you can smell it, that means others can smell it too. I said yes. He gave me the bottle, and I hide it under the kitchen sink amongst the cleaners, and put rags over it. We settled down to watch the dvd. He said he never thought he'd be this way, he never wanted to be this way, that he would take the "drug" (antibuse) to stop drinking. We hugged each other, and I said I know. That we are a team, and that I am here to support him, but he needs to get help. He said he knew, and that's what he wanted. he told me that every time he was in his parents house, and heard their beer can open, it would infuriate him. (before he became drinker) We started watching our movie, and as a artist he set up and began painting. Something he had not done for months. It was amazing. He asked me to stay with him as he painted, and I feel asleep resting against him on the sofa. (he was sitting on the floor) I took several pictures of him that night, painting, and just the feeling that "this is finally it...he is going to get help" "He finally gets how sick he had become".
Thursday, that was a different story. He was in a foul mood when I came home for lunch. Then he said he wanted to be alone, took his sneakers, and left. I said no, you need support. I knew where he was going, and followed him as he pulled into the local ABC Store. He got out, went in, got his bottle, and as I stood there asking him not to buy it, the cashier took his money. We walked to the grocery store next door, where I got a few items, he went into the bathroom with his bottle to have his shot....Once in his car, I asked him to give me the bottle, he refused and tried to push me out of his car. We proceeded down the street, with him yelling at me, as I still kept asking for the bottle of vodka. Finally I video'd him saying the bottle was better than me, and better than his parents. Then he said wait til we get back to the apartment, I'm going to pulverize you....I said no, you're going to quit drinking. That he needs help. We got back, he didn't touch me. He said there, then passed me the bottle, and asked if I wanted to go hike or take the dogs to the river. We ended up taking the dogs to the local dog park, where they could swim, and interact. He was still pissy, but calm. I hide the bottle in my car.
Friday morning, I head out for work. He is up, as he normally can not sleep. I tell him bye, he tells me **** off. I come home for lunch, he has written on our erase board that he has gone to the college to re-enroll for rad school. I put a smiling face under it. About two hours later, I get a call for a job for him. He doesn't answer the phone, and I'm not doing much at work, so I drive the 10 minutes to get him to call this person who is only going to be there another hour. He still wasn't there, but a new message was posted, "going to job hunt". This time, I check the vodka bottle under the sink. He has drank it, and replaced it with water... I leave the bottle on the sink counter. I come home, he's now there. He says hi, I said did you call the person about the job, he said no. I smelled the alcohol already. He didn't have any money, so where did he drink this time is my question to myself. How do you look for work smelling of alcohol, I ask myself. I get pissed of course, and said no, you didn't call because the caller ID doesn't reflect you taking the time to call the job back, because the alcohol came first. He throws the food he is eating at me, and tells me he is done with me, has been for a while, doesn't love me, and wants to only get rid of me. He then grabs his backpack and walks out the door. Saturday doesn't get any better, as he caters for a vineyard....Sunday doesn't get any better either.
What happened to the Wednesday night man? The man I feel in love with?? The compassionate, loving, passionate, understanding man, that I used to know???
How do you let go, knowing he is still in there.....Somewhere......
He and his dad are coming back to our apartment tomorrow so that he can pack up his stuff to move back to their house, two hours away....He doesn't care about me, or our two dogs. One of which, a puppy, we just got in March.