I wonder if your defensiveness at anvilhead, who I have found in 3 yrs on this forum consistently gives VERY GOOD advice, could be coming from a place of uncertainty about your situation?
I only propose that because I can relate to it. Many times in the last 3 yrs of being off and on with my exabf, people told me things I really did not want to hear and obviously must not have been ready to hear, because despite their good advice, I continually went back for more abuse, pain, trauma, dischord with my exabf. I must've believed his vaporous, empty promises about 10 times.
Until and unless an alcoholic HAS BEEN working a solid program of recovery--rehab, AA, therapy (all or any 1 of these)--there's not much hope, frankly. I got tired of looking at words instead of actions, and the insanity that results when the A in your life's actions completely contradict the words.
If I could do things over again, I would not have gotten back with my ex without seeing him in a program of recovery for at LEAST a month. Probably several months.
Originally Posted by
Florence Sorry, I'm not interested in being convinced that I'm a dumb biddy being used here. I appreciate what you're saying and I'm fully willing to believe that you could be seeing things I am not, but I'm bristling at the assertion that I don't know my own mind and circumstances.