I am the A in the family, married to a normie. My family never celebrated my birthday's, mothers day, etc. We always, on the other hand, celebrated my kid's and my husband's birthdays.
In recovery, I realized that it was important for the kids to celebrate not just their BD's, but mine. It wasn't healthy for them to see that my birthday was not celebrated, but others in the family were.
I am not sure why my husband did not celebrate my birthday, it may have been because he was tired of my drinking, but, it may also have been because he just forgot or didn't grow up with "birthday" traditions. I don't know.
I started putting a big circle around my birthday on the calendar and actively planned my BD and M-day when I started recovery.
It was important for two reasons: to break down the destructive effect of crushed expectations: there is no feeling worse than hoping for B-day and M-day celebrations that don't happen.
The second: it gave my husband and children the structure they needed: they were not unwilling to celebrate these days for me, they just needed some structure and guidance.
I know many people may find the planned for yourself B-day and M-day strange, but I have had the best one's ever in the last 4 years and wouldn't do it any other way now.