Originally Posted by
Tuffgirl 
Is my RAH really a clueless idiot who is truly unable to have any kind of intimate relationship? Or was the alcohol abuse a convenient avoidance tactic?
The eye opener on this for me was seeing the "styles" of abuse being explained, and recognizing within those explanations the "drunk XABF" and the "sober XABF" styles. The sober versions were much more subtle, compared to his drunk ones, such that I didn't register them as abuse even when I started to recognize his drunken behavior as such.
But even when sober, he always had to have his own way, and he had a lot of tricks for getting it.