Just reread my first post from this thread and tried to read it as an outsider. I was so sad for her (me). The post was so rambling it is almost frantic. It IS obvious I have not felt like anyone really LISTENED in a long time. I guess it is hard to keep listening to a person who sounds like a broken record, which is what a lot of us in relationships with A's sound like. People just get tired of hearing you because they have told you ad nauseam what healthier approaches you might consider, and you just go right on doing the crazy train. Thank you, grateful, for putting it in very stark terms:
" I think you are attracted to sociopaths and I think they see you as an easy target. Luckily, you can change yourself. It will take therapy and time, but you will change for the better. You have to."
I think you are right that I am attracted to people who need me and who need fixing. I think I fall easily for someone who tells me what I want to hear, and that must be a neon sign on me for this type of person to attach to. I want no more part of people who use suicide threats or lies to get my attention. Life is too short.