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Old 05-09-2011, 08:52 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
SoCalPauly
Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 4
All of you seem so amazing and strong. I'm trying to get there...

This weekend I experimented a bit with power of self. Meaning that I did and said what I felt was right for me. Instead of cleaning his mess, I pushed it over to his side of the room for HIM to take care of later. I also told him that I'm having trouble catching up with my bills, so I expect him to repay the $400 I gave him last week to catch up on one of his bills. I think he was bit shocked but surprisingly agreeable. However, I've been here once or twice before, with him making promises he can't keep. But he followed through... he set up two online payments to pay the credit card I used for his bills.

And then I decided to tell him exactly how I feel about his binge drinking. Except I didn't get mad, I didn't yell or cry - I just sat him down and said "here is how your drinking affects me... here is how your drinking affects our relationship... here is how your drinking affects you..." He didn't outright admit to being an alcoholic, but he also didn't say he wasn't. That surprised me. He usually gets defensive or makes excuses, but this time he didn't. Still, I took that with a grain of salt. I then told him that I can't make him change his behavior - I can only change myself and how I react to his behavior. I told him I'm not going to yell or beg him to stop. If he chooses to binge drink, I'm simply going to not be a part of it in any way.

I don't know exactly why, but he didn't drink this weekend. Well, that's not true. We went to visit a freind of ours at the bar she works at and we each had one beer. I didn't tell him how many beers to have instead he choose to have one followed by a glass of caffeine free diet coke. I mean, what? Where did that come from? Later that night he told me he wanted to finish the beers in the fridge. I didn't say anything except "you're a grown man, you do what you want to do. But if you do drink, i am going to go watch tv in the other room." I wasn't mean or forceful, I was just very matter-of-fact about it. I could see that he still wanted to drink them, but he didn't. He didn't say why he wasn't going to drink, he just said "eh, nevermind". I pretended like it wasn't a big deal. But holy cow!! He just didn't drink. I have NO IDEA what any of this means. I'm not going to psych myself into thinking it is more than it is, or that this will be the case next weekend... but I'm thrilled. I'm thrilled that I grew a pair and that maybe (just maybe) he heard me.

I'm going to continue with doing what is right for me and hopefully in the process, he will continue finding a sober path in life. I don't have any expectations, but I'm hopeful.
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