Marie,
There is a lot of drama in your life because of all this family nonsense.
It doesn't have to be that way.
We strive here to find peace for OURSELVES, regardless of what the nutterbutters are doing around us.
Go ahead a take a step away from those in the family that make you feel upset.
Continue to connect with those that you enjoy (like Grandpa).
It doesn't have to be all or nothing, nor a big, dramatic, "we're disowning you!" type of deal.
Just say no thanks and take a step back.
Your work, should you choose it, is to not LET them make YOU upset when they go crazy on you.
They can freak out.
They can blame and grump and judge.
That's okay.
Their "stuff" doesn't have to IN ANY WAY effect your peace of mind.
You can also do the "I'm sure if I did x they would do y and then..." and that doesn't help either. That is making MORE drama when it doesn't even exist yet!
So, stay in the present moment. "What can I do for myself RIGHT NOW that would bring peace?"
Take your peace back.
That's the work for us codependents.
When you catch yourself angry and resentful and defensive and just plain ruffled (I've heard it called spinning), realize that is YOUR work. That you LET them get under your skin.
Then breathe, and let them out, and do something nice for yourself.
And check out Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. She helped me a lot.
p