When XABF went into rehab, I had the opportunity to get to know his sister. He was always talking about how much he hated his sister, how judgmental she was, what a horrible person she was... In the time without him there, I actually started to get to know her...
Imagine my surprise when I discovered she was a loving, caring, thoughtful, generous person. She just never acted that way around XABF because he was always drunk near her. (Meanwhile, he blamed his drunkenness around her on how mean she was.)
This was the first time she had seen me without XABF around, and she was surprised to see how friendly, thoughtful, and fun I could be, too. We started calling each other all the time.
Then when I cut contact with XABF, I stopped calling her. She did call me once after that, to ask how I was doing and to see if I was in therapy, Al-Anon, getting the help that I needed - but she kept talking about how "I don't know if you care, but XABF is doing XYZ." It hurt, because I did care, but I cared too much, and every time it was mentioned it drew me back into the drama. After that one phone call, I decided not to call her again. I did offer to help her daughter move (she was moving into a condominium near my apartment), and she appreciated the offer, but never called me back to take me up on it, and I decided not to push the issue.
I do mourn the friendship that could have been...
That said, she is too close to the drama, and still too prone to being pulled back into it, and XABF is still my weakness, so I cannot allow myself to become close to someone who could potentially pull me back in.
I did try to talk her into going to some Al-Anon meetings with me back when I did speak to her constantly, and she knows which Al-Anon meeting I attend every week, and I haven't changed my phone number (plus her number is the only one from XABF's family that I haven't blocked)... She can contact me if she wants, and I will talk to her. That said, I am not going to call her, because it is too dangerous for me and my recovery.
I still miss her.
I hope she's doing well.