Welcome back to the SR family!
Do you have time to read a few chapters of a book each week? If so, I recommend "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie.
It helped me to start looking at my reactions to others as a place to begin working on myself. I was reacting to my AH's words and trying to make everything okay for him. In my confused head: If everything was okay for him, then I would be okay. Not true.
I don't have enough power to make life okay for another adult. That is not my purpose in life.
My life if important and I needed to take steps to make myself feel important. I needed to take care of me and let the other adult in my life take care of his stuff. I needed to detach from his stuff. I needed to set boundaries for myself (keep myself out of old patterns) and I needed to learn to take care of myself.
I also needed patience with myself. I didn't arrive in the situation overnight, and it was going to take time to repair the situation.
SR, Alanon and self-improvement books have helped me. Let us know how we can help you begin your recovery journey.