enid

my husband is openly drinking again after five years of sobriety...and I have chosen to ignore it, and work the step that I have no control over the situation. So far, I'm managing, and it is not as hard as I thought it would be...I have also discovered that he is a terrific liar...worse than I thought...corresponding with people on sex websites...both gay and straight. Looking for dates. I don't even care about that part, but one of his websites was "stuck" on the homepage of my P.C. I had to approach him about it, and of course, he said he had no idea how it had gotten there. I really want to get a divorce, and I would like him to move out of our apartment, but I start feeling sorry for him, because he is 53, and on social security disability. He was supposed to be moving out a few weeks ago, but was deliberately stalling. I can't move, because I just signed a new lease for a year. I'm trying not to hate his guts, but he insults my intelligence with his pathetic lies and denials. It's inevitable that we will not be together by the end of the year...I plan on getting him out of my life once and for all. Just don't know exactly when. At the end of the month he has to see the heart doctor, and he says he is having his last hurrah with the booze, because he already knows that his liver is starting to show signs of deterioration. Even if he gets sober, it still doesn't change the fact that he is looking for sexual encounters with other people...and I feel so betrayed and insulted, that I looked after him all these years, and this is what I get in the end. I feel strangely inferior at times...as if who was I to think I would deserve any other treatment. in the final analysis. I know I don't love him the way I did before...it's more of a pity thing, and also strangely hard to let go of. If he died tomorrow, I would feel some sadness, but mostly relief. If one of my dogs died I would feel far more of a loss.