thanks again, everyone--yes, although i have friends that are gone... it is good to know people all over the world on here understand exactly what i have gone through and am going through.
passionfruit -->
i hate to admit that the thought of him being alone and miserable makes me smile, but it does. i wish it didn't. you are right. he was lonely and unhappy when i met him... and i was stupid and young and innocent and "romantic" enough to believe that "love would save [his] the world", but you are right through and through. he will always be lonely.
in fact, during our last fight (part of the reason i feel/felt guilt recently is because) i told him "as an alcoholic you wont have any relationship stick, but even if you aren't actively an alcoholic you'll at best have multiple marriages because you have way too many mental problems". i feel like it was a hit below the belt, but then again--all boundaries i ever had were crossed by him repeatedly many times before.
glad it's sunday... and this weekend is over