Photographs and Memories.
I have been a scrapbooker for years. I love looking at old photos. I have not been able to this for over a year. It just makes me too sad.
My FIL passed away in Feb and we are having a memorial service for him this weekend. I was looking for photos of him to send my daughter who is doing a slideshow for the service. I was dreading opening up my scrapbooks.
But I did it. I didn't even cry. I didn't need a bottle of wine.
I was able to look at those photos, remember the good times and feel so grateful for having had all those good memories.
Of course I also noticed how many photos have my husband holding a beer but it did not trigger anger or sadness.
I had a great day today despite the fact that I could not spend it with my kids. And the icing on the cake-a very nice phone conversation with my husband who called to wish me a Happy Mother's Day.
He was honest, not defensive, we had a few good laughs and he was able to openly cry about how conflicted he was about his father.
I did not feel the need to make him "feel better" I told him he had the right to feel all the things he felt about his dad.
It was nice to be remembered. He thanked me for being a wonderful mom.
I was able to accept the pleasant conversation without wanting more.
For me that is a huge step.