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Old 05-08-2011, 06:14 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
StarCat
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Join Date: Dec 2010
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In addition to tjp's link, I have an excerpt from How Al-Anon Works.
You're off to a great start.


Step One
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.

Each of our lives has been devastated by someone else's drinking. We cannot change that fact. We have been profoundly affected by the disease of alcoholism. Its effects continue to permeate our lives. Nor can we change the behavior or the attitudes of those around us. We can't even stop the drinking. We are powerless over alcohol. As long as we persist in the delusion that we can control or cure alcoholism, its symptoms, or its effects, we continue to fight a battle that we cannot win. Our self-esteem suffers, our relationships suffer, and our ability to enjoy life suffers. All of our energy is wasted on a hopeless endeavor until there is nothing left over for attending to our own needs. Our lives have become unmanageable.
Whether or not we live with active drinking, life is unmanageable whenever we lose perspective about what is and is not our responsibility. We take offense at actions that have nothing to do with us. Or we intervene where it is inappropriate and we neglect our legitimate obligations to ourselves and others. Our misplaced concern for others becomes intrusive, meddling, resented, and doomed to failure. Instead of helping those we care about, we demonstrate a lack of respect for them and create discord in our relationships.
When our preoccupation with others distracts us from our responsibilities to attend to our own physical, emotional, and spiritual health, we suffer. Our health and self-esteem decline. We become incapable of accepting reality, coping with change, or feeling happiness. Our lives fly out of control.
With this First Step, we admit that we did not cause, cannot control, and cannot cure the alcoholic, the disease of alcoholism, or the fact that we have been affected by this disease. We are powerless over alcohol - and its effects on us. By ourselves, we can do nothing to overcome the effects of this disease. In fact, our attempts to exert power over alcohol have made our lives unmanageable.
Taking the First Step allows a great weight to fall from our shoulders. We let go of the losing battle we have been waging. We recognize that there is no point in continuing the fight. We surrender completely.
This is no small achievement. The battle against alcoholism has become the basis for many of our relationships. Putting an end to this battle requires completely redefining what we believe about ourselves, others, and our relationships. For example, many of us have confused love with interference. We don't know how to show affection or support without giving advice, seeking to sway another's decisions, or trying to get those we love to do what we think will bring them happiness. We confuse caring with controlling because we don't know how to allow others the dignity of being themselves. Those of us who learned to control whatever we could in order to survive in an alcoholic environment now continue to try to control everything and everybody out realizing what we are doing. From past experience, we are terrified to let others do as they wish. But we only harm ourselves and others when we insist upon approaching every interaction this way. Our relationships are damaged, and our lives become even more unmanageable. Thus, even when there are no alcoholics directly involved, the effects of alcoholism continue to dominate. So we take the First Step. We admit we are powerless over alcohol and that our lives have become unmanageable.
Al-Anon does not promise that every alcoholic will get sober, or that sobrierty will solve our problems or fix our relationships. We may never have the family of our dreams or win the love of those who have no love to give. But our program does offer us hope, because it is all about change. By being honest and admitting that the power we tried to wield over alcoholism was never readily available to us, we let go of the illusion that kept us imprisoned in an endless cycle of repetitious, self-defeating behavior and inevitable disappointment.
It's as if we are lost in a desert. Not far away is a freshwater stream, but until now we have failed to notice it because we have been chasing a mirage, an imaginary oasis that recedes whenever we approach. Only when we finally stop, take stock of what our efforts have produced, and admit that we have been pursuing an illusion, can we turn in a direction that will actually meet our needs. Likewise, when we let go of the illusion of power over alcohol and over other people, we move in a more positive, productive, and rewarding direction. We move towards hope.
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