Thank you for the responses. I feel the love on this board, even with something so small as someone pressing the "thank you" button on my posts. Anyway, I posted that after my Al Anon meeting I'd had the other day. I was going through my workbook and that was my attempt at working out the first step.
Is detaching how most of us interpret the first step (i'm so new and naive at this)? So is it ok to have a "they made their bed now they can sleep it in" attitude? I feel so guilty not knowing that i am doing everything in my power to "fix" her. But at the same time I get so angry that I put my life on hold to try and "save" her for now, and after all that work and time and effort, and after all the tears and stress, and becoming emotionally drained, just so she can relapse again in a couple weeks, and we can go through this all again, in a couple weeks or maybe a couple days.
So I'm at the point now where I am tired of going through that. I want to say I don't care anymore, but I know that I do because I cry like a baby every single time she relapses.
So is it okay to let go, and not put that effort into getting her better anymore? Of course I will never stop caring. But is more of a "this is her problem, not mine" approach, actually the first step?