I can relate to this feeling. I'm not even sure who my boyfriend WAS. He was a heavy drinker from the beginning (binge drinker.) He had a lot of good qualities that I liked. Sometimes he could be mature and fun to talk to, but overall, he made bad, impulsive, immature decisions because of the drinking-that always confuse me. It was like he had a split personality.
Originally Posted by
kittykitty 
I found it very difficult when I first left my ABF to distinguish between the man he was, and the man I had made him out to be in my head. Drawing the line between reality and fantasy was always very difficult for me. Especially because he spent so much time promising me that he wanted/would be the man I wanted him to be.
I liked how you said you mourned him for the man you "believed him to be". This is so true, in so many ways. I had to take responsibility for the disappointment I had in my ABF, admitting that in my warped way of thinking, I had made him out to be this caring, responsible, mature man, who just had some problems on the side, and with me supporting him he could become this great person. This is who I had "hoped" he was, not who he "actually" was. But I saw what I needed/wanted to see.
Realizing he isn't who I made him out to be was instrumental in being able to separate reality from fantasy, and separating from him. It doesn't make him a bad person, and I still care about him, and want him to find happiness. He is in control of his own happiness now, and I am in control of mine. I like being in control of my own happiness, instead of waiting for someone else to take the reins.
It gets better, feel the feelings, this too shall pass.
