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Old 05-05-2011, 06:07 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
lillamy
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It took me back to the old pattern...Tuffgirl can only have one emotion - happy - and everything else is wrong and not his responsibility. Tuffgirl is not allowed to ask him about his feelings (take the temperature, so to speak) nor share her own feelings unless they are happy. He can be a remote, distant, jerkface and he is not responsible for the consequences therein. Tuffgirl's feelings are a manipulation, beware!

I remember, especially toward the end of living with him, trying so hard to control everything (me, the girls, life, the dogs, and so on) in order for things to be happy and nothing else. I was exhausted by trying to be a robot and stuff my feelings, unless they were happy. I am tired of only being allowed to feel happy around him, and don't ever want to hear him say again that he "only wants to make me happy".

As a matter of fact, happy has lately really made me feel crappy!
Here's what it sounds like to me... like you want him to acknowledge that your relationship has been hard on you. Hard, hard, hard, and difficult. You want him to acknowledge that -- from his perspective of being sober. You want him to get to "making amends" and sort of give you your due. Let you know how much he appreciates the emotional hardship you have gone through.

And he's not there yet. And it hurts. And because you're Tuffgirl and you have to keep going because there's so much logistical and other bs to deal with -- you don't get sad, you get mad.

Am I close? (((hugs)))
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