(((WTBH)))) - sorry for all that you are coming to realize, but I truly believe HP has a way of "opening our eyes" when we are "ready" to deal with it, and not one moment before.
It sounds like you have a good therapist to work through this stuff with, and that is great. You were let down by the very people who are supposed to take care to you, so it's all you knew.
Now you are seeing it, and you want better for yourself and your kids. You DESERVE better, and though I am sure this hurts like he!!, sounds to me like you are moving forward to a much better life.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy