Sandra,
The truth is, We may not ever get amends. Whether they are in recovery or not. That is a sad but honest truth, and hard for me to face.
Many of these painful things are blacked out for my RAH, many of them he has put into a box labeled, "wasnt that bad..."
I have to move on and get on with it, with no expectation of amends.
Thats true with most wrongdoings in our lives. Its healthy to really detach from the expectation that someone will finally, at long last realize they did you wrong.
They may never.