Yeah,
its just frustrating me i suppose that while he's trying to get better he is unable to help me get better too
^ that, is not probably going to happen for a long, long, time...
In my experience, addicts and the addictive personality type is way too self involved to look over and take inventory of what you need. Even my RAH, in sobriety, does this as a means of bolstering his own self image, so it is a bit of a fake out. Like going through the motions.
Pull back on the magnifying glass,
Start looking at your own stuff, your own day.
We begin to heal in the tiniest ways, and one of those ways is to keep your day YOURS...
Not his, not the pasts, but yours. And we are generally (not as a rule..) but, generally, pretty crappy at doing that because we are so used to keeping our eyes on what they are up to, and whether their choices and actions are going to capsize our day, our life... It is your life and YOUR day.
decide each day whether you want to own your day or not, and then, when you feel your attention, your energy creeping over to what HE is doing, well...pull it the heck back.
And in this way, you are doing tiny healing, but it is cumulative.