(((Hugs to you)))
What a wonderful opportunity for you, and your daughter, your family to heal.
As she shares more with you, I am sure it might be extremely gut wrenching. Maybe, you could go to counseling, to have someone guide her thru what and how to say these things to you..and someone to help you express your feelings.
I know your daughter is doing the best she can in breaking down this wall...but, as an ACOA, I know there were some things that I had to share with my support group, and my counselor, not with my Mom. I had to get to a space where I realized she wasn't aware of what I was feeling about my Dad's actions.
I know this is all over whelming...but please remember, when this was happening you were doing the very best you could at that time, and now, you are doing the very best you can..