Old 05-01-2011, 04:23 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
wanttobehealthy
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
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I'm so sorry for all that is falling onto your shoulders to deal with right now. Don't beat yourself up for not knowing what your daughter is sharing with you. If I've learned anything from growing up in an abusive, dysfunctional (though not alcoholic) home, it's this: someone who is abusive chooses the timing of their abuse very carefully and probably plans pretty hard to make sure that the other parent is not aware. I know my father had his suspicions about what my mother did to me but he never saw a thing and never confronted her to my knowledge.

You did the best your could. You did not knowingly let your daughter be abused and you trusted what your H told you as anyone would (that it was 1 drink, not 4 for ex). I can understand your daughter's pain as an outsider who isn't hearing her pain as her mother. She just had a baby recently right? I know that when I had my D5, that's when a LOT of the vivid details of the abuse I grew up with started to hit me, hard. It might be that your daughter is struggling right now and confronting you because she is feeling a lot of old feelings stirred up now that she's a mom herself...

The best thing I think you can do right now is tell your daughter your truth-- that you love her, didn't know what she experienced and are sorry for her pain and be there for her as you are able and go from there...

I am so sorry-- reading your post made me so sad for you and your daughter-- my heart really goes out to you...
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