This whole thing is kind of triggering for me so all I can really offer is this.
The amount of absolute BS you have to feed yourself in order to stay married to an abusve alcoholic (from your first post on this board)
" Many years of protecting & guarding against his stupid behavior or verbal abuse"
will drive you insane. It'll drive everyone in the house insane and rob them of their ability to see, act and remember clearly.
If your family was like mine, SHE was not the one perverting reality to keep the status quo. It was likely you, The Wife.
I would urge you to seek counseling for yourself so you can first discover what you're hiding and then hopefully, heal.
FTR I come to SR as an alcoholic in recovery but I am also an ACOA.