BobbyJ

Some of you know, what a rocky road my life has been for 3 years with my daughter. Yesterday, we got to hang out together and I got to meet my new granddaughter for the first time. She is beautiful!! When I left she had lots of pink lipstick kisses.

I was nervous and had to think about during my 2 hour drive there. I kept on working my 12 steps in my head and saying the serenity prayer. I kept my mouth shut and listened during our visit. I was so proud of myself.

All day long the AH kept on calling me and left 12 texts on my phone. Friday I told him I was filing for divorce. So you can imagine, the weird things his messages said. I kept my phone shut off all during the day, with my daughter.
And listened to his messages on my way home. Sick..Sick..Sick Messages!

About midnight, my daughter calls me and really unloaded on me. This really caught me off guard. I got so numb, I just about threw up.

I have alot on my plate, and still trying to soak all of this in this morning..

She told me, that he was serving drinks when she was 14. And was sneaking her drinks. Where was I?

He would chase her around outside and inside the house.
I asked her...like for fun?..
She said, your trying to cover up for him. I told her no, Im just trying to understand. I never seen this. She said it is different than her being chased around by her real dad. She said he would never stop chasing, the only way she get him to stop is to run to her room.
WHERE WAS I???...she said..You were at work or busy doing other things mom!

The night he took her to a bar when she was 17. He told me he bought her one drink, she told me it was 4. And yes, he was drunk, when the other guys
tried to beat him up for having his hands around her waist.

She said, I have told you enough for tonight, we will talk about this later.
She told me, she likes to drink whiskey, and realizes this. She is aware of this and will only have 2 here and there.

Her husband came from a alcoholic father also. So the 2 of them, have a real understanding of alcohol and are very close & open with the situation. She said they both understand the damage of alcohol and neither one of them will allow that around their daughter.

So here I sit today thinking, where the hell was I? Omg..I could vomit. How do I feel? Is it all real? Did it really happen to her? Is it all her imagination? Did it really happen or is this what happens to children living with an alcoholic, does their minds play games? Where do I start? What do I do?
If it didnt happen, what makes her feel this way? How did I not see all of this?

I could just vomit......Never thought one of my kids would feel this way
Here I thought...I was always the "perfect mom"

Im very close with my son who is in college. She would like the 3 of us to go to counseling. She said when she started counseling, she never realized how much anger (not hate) she had inside of her and feels it would be good for my son to go too. He is not a angry person, but she thinks he might have it deep inside of himself and not even know it, like she did...

We both agreed that the past is the past, we only have the future together.
But we will work on these things as part of our healing. She is excited for me to get the divorce final. She told me, "Mom, you have your kids in your heart and life, we will support you all they way. You have the chance to enjoy life and be you again, please tell me, you wont go back to that. If you do, I will be gone again"

I was never raised in a alcoholic home...so I dont understand what all of this means or what I am suppose to do with all of this....

Suggestions - Comments - Thoughts - Direction ~ PLEASE!!!
And please DO NOT WALK LIGHTLY with your words!!!
The only thing I like sugar coated is donuts...LET IT RIP!!