I wish I could've gone to that movie with you.
It's true what everyone is saying here. NO ONE can understand what you go through. The path of broken promises...the pain of watching someone destroy themselves in front of you...NONE of my friends know what it's like to have your drunk exbf put a gun in his mouth over the phone with you. How could they ever understand what that's like? they just say oh, you should be glad you're rid of him. Well, in some ways, sure I am. But he's someone I loved, and now he's a giant train wreck.
Now he's with a fellow self-destroyer.
My ex probably wouldn't parade his "gf" in front of me. Instead, when I confronted him, he minimized her. "I"m not with her. We're not in a relationship." But..she stays over every weekend??
Do you love her?
"I dunno about that, I do know I loved you tho."
mm hmm.
Isn't she lucky-she's with someone who is so lukewarm towards her. What a sick f'ing relationship.
Meanwhile he's probably hoping he can recycle me again when he gets tired of her, like he did last time. Only this time I am NOT letting myself get sucked in.
If I have to cry every day for 2.5 yrs, just to avoid the NIGHTMARE of being with someone who's committing a slow suicide, meanwhile putting on this facade of the bouncy party boy, SO BE IT.
Originally Posted by
TakingCharge999 
Dear duqld,
I am a little bit further along the road than you...
It has taken me 2.5 years to start feeling normal again... I sure hope it lasts much less for you, but just to let you know we are facing tough stuff here, but the depth of the transformation if you keep doing your work (which you are already doing) will be worth it in the end.
After being hurt by stupid comments and "advice" I learned to trust SR and my group therapy fellows and my therapist and God and some spiritual leads I have met along the way... you are the ones that know the details, since I classify people *(like a fridge!) my life has been much better and less frustrating
-spiritual family that I can trust
-family members I can talk about...the weather
-friends I can laugh with, get some coffee, small talk.. entertainment...
-coworkers I can work with professionally and smile to in the hall PERIOD
People have no idea of how it feels like so that is why I keep coming to SR to keep validating my feelings and knowing I am not alone.
I decided to stay at my work so have been facing the same situations over and over and over... but I have noticed how I change when facing the exactly same situation> XABF being a jerk and parading his GF and "fun life" and holidays when I am around...
Day #1 it hurt like hell
Week #1 hurt like hell
Month #1 hurt like hell
Months #2-6 barely existed, worked, cried, slept, repeat
Months #6-12 realized I needed help, went to AA for tips from the other side, went to therapist, got Melody Beatty books
Year #2 moved from sadness & longing & resentment to plain anger, but started laughing again, started taking positive steps for myself..
The same scenario repeats, xabf and gf and friends doing the same thing, being happy drunks, feeling like little Gods, and I am barely annoyed now.. no longer think its about me and I no longer envy the GF and it hurts to know he did not love me, but what REALLY hurts is that I have not loved myself either all this time.........
So now I am struggling with self love and sometimes still feel sorry for myself or too lonely etc... yesterday I was able to feel the great void in my heart, the thirst for love but I know now its in me and in God and no one else's thoughts and actions can take away my personal fulfilment......... I started painting again which has been HUGE... I hope you can remember your own dreams and start doing a single thing, something that reminds you that you are still YOU, that life is worth it, something to look forward to that is only for you.
I am sorry you are going through this......... it gets much better...... I am in no way recovered, but I feel my power now, I feel its up to me now, I feel more free and I no longer feel the need to 'fit' anywhere or to have anyone love me... no longer feel the need to demonstrate how special I am to anyone... I know myself better now... I feel I myself, am more honest in my relationships .......and I really like this freedom.
Outlet therapy? nails? rent a TV series? new hairdo? spa? lunch in your favorite place? journaling?
I wish we were together so I would take you to watch the new Robert Pattinson movie. I cried yesterday, feeling that huge void within me and realize its not about XABF but about abandonment towards myself that has gone for decades. When I start healing and providing myself with compassion, love, care, and practical things like enough rest, decent food, some exercise every day... magic happens.... its an inner journey and although lows can be hard, the highs are priceless, and its a new foundation for many more years to come. You can do this!