Hi Alone22... your story really resonated with me. I've been struggling for a few months - trying to have sex so he wouldn't get cranky and then feeling used by it. Just recently (maybe 2 weeks ago) I decided I wouldn't be intimate unless I wanted to, even if he got grouchy about it. It's early days and I find it hard, but mostly because I'm not sure what will happen next. Like you, it's not as bad right now as it was. This is the first "honeymoon" where I haven't engaged and hoped he finally gets it. It's been very challenging and difficult. It's tempting to hope, even though the pattern is the same as always.
I find it uncomfortable to be in a relationship that's like this, because it's definitely not what I want, but at the same time I'm not ready to take the next step. I'm hopeful that the detachment will give me time to make plans and really determine how I feel.
I am also working on my own recovery and TRYING to stay out of his. I still feel angry when he drinks, but there's nothing I can do about it so I'll keep working.
I only wanted to add - take whatever time you think you need. It will happen on your timetable, not someone else's.
Thanks for sharing - I felt less alone when I read your story.