Thread: feeling sad
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Old 04-30-2011, 03:40 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
stella27
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Southwest
Posts: 1,207
The time I spent not having a "clean" life is probably one of my greatest regrets. By clean I mean not cluttered with his issues that affected me.

I just showed our little cottage apartment to a prospective tenant. I told her that my H and I lived there while the big house was being remodeled. It reminded me of that summer. We had a 1 year-old (who is now turning 10) and I was pregnant. The night before his birthday party, a big party in the yard - 75 people, my family in from out of town, H stayed out late at a bar with a friend. I woke at 3 a.m. feeling my bed shaking. He was sitting on the ground where he had crawled in, propped himself up against the bed and was hiccuping/vomiting on the rug of the one-room apartment we lived in with our baby, who crawled around on that floor.

A month later I was in that apartment by myself after having driven 3 hours in the middle of the night (can you say drama?) to get home after we were out of town with friends and instead of going back to the hotel with me and our baby, he went out with friends and got drunk and stoned and forgot that he had said he would call and we'd go to dinner.

I had 2 more children with him. Because it wasn't every night. I wish I had realized that the unacceptable is unacceptable and not dragged us all through the mud for so long.

On the other hand, it's my house now. My kids are happy, serene, pleasant, untormented. There are worse things than being from a divorced home.

But yeah, the years of anguish? Why did I think that was ok?
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