I have been experiencing this a lot lately. It is amazing the clarity and vision that comes when you are completely removed from an abusive situation. You look back and you think someone cared about you but how could they have cared and done such tramatic things to you at the same time? The hard truth that I'm realizing now is that he never cared. I was merely an accessory in his life so he could avoid hitting bottom and that hurts bc I had real feelings. Everything I brushed under the rug is surfacing in a BIG way and it feels horrible. I am seeing a T and going to al anon but when I'm not doing those things, I am suffering having thoughts of what was done to me constantly haunt me. I try to keep busy but thoughts still creep in. It really is a miserable way to live. I even have nightmares sometimes re-living certain traumatic situations! It just never goes away. I am trying to see the good in life and be thankful that I got out of that relationship and I don't miss him I'm just so broken over what was was done to me. I guess where I am right now you could call it picking up the pieces and cleaning up the mess that was made. Not easy and not fun but that's where I am right now. Support and kind wordswould do me some good right now
Thanks for letting me share.