Originally Posted by
Shellcrusher 
So here's my question. She's almost off for the summer. The means daycare is almost over. I have to give 30 days advanced notice before terminating the contract. I really don't want him home with her over the summer. I want him to remain in school. I know this will raise hell with the AW. I also want her to know that I'm upset but for now, perhaps my silence is louder than anything I can say. Do I let the termination notice lapse. Do I bring the subject up and simply tell her that DS will remain in school and deal with her fallout?
I have found that when it comes to my ABF, if bringing something up will get me fired up, confused, and angry, its best to just take my action, maybe with no explanation. But I guess for me, if I didn't think he would be able to connect my action to the drinking, I felt it worthy to simply state what my action IS, and if he asked, keep it very simple.
For example... IMO- you could just put your son in daycare and let her find out later, but not explain, if you think internally she will make the connection that his being unsafe is directly related to the drinking. But if she doesn't make that connection, it leads to hurt feelings, assumptions, etc. You get the point. And the point here is not to hurt your AW, its to protect your son. If you do not think she will make the connection, you could simply say:
"Son will be staying in daycare for the summer." Period. Offer nothing more.
If she asks "why?" You say... "His safety is at risk when he is under your care. I will not accept "our" son's safety being at risk when he is under your care." Period. Offer nothing more. You do NOT need to explain anything else here. THIS is clear. SHE may not agree, but YOU know this is true for YOU, and you know that this is to protect your son. Every excuse she will come up with next will be a QUACK. You DO NOT engage. You simply wait until she's done flipping out, quacking, whatever, and repeat your boundary: "I will not accept our son's safety being at risk when he is under your care." Period. She probably won't like it, but you will feel SUPER that you took an action to protect your son, and you will feel powerful at your ability to NOT ENGAGE.
Shell, so sorry you're going through this. I'll say some prayers for you. Keep on with your recovery. You're doing great.